Thursday, December 14, 2006

It’s Difficult to Say…

You wake up.
Bathroom.
Breakfast.
Phone call?

Then chaos. Tragedy.

And you’re alone.

By yourself yes, but feeling more cold, empty and alone than you’ve ever felt. Movement is painful. Words are worse. Breathing takes a concentration that you seem to lack and every thought is like rubbing salt on an open wound.

Then silence. You’re breathing begins to normalize and you feel…comfortably…numb. It hasn’t sunk in. Not yet, because if it had you would be a quivering mass on the floor. So you go about your day feeling like you’re floating, but not in a good way. Like you’re just moving without control. Like a feather in the wind, tossed about. Shaken up. You make a few phone calls; send a few e-mails and text messages because you feel like you have to tell someone because they would want to know. They need to know.

Night falls, and you’re alone again. And in the quiet darkness it begins to weigh heavy on your chest. All the gravity that you were defying by floating through your day hits you like a ton of bricks.

No more laughs. No more stories. No more giant diet cokes. Not his anyway.

Then denial.

Goodbye? No, it’s impossible. I can’t. I won’t. He can’t be…no…it must be some bad dream…or a joke…it’s not funny…

And then you take hold of reality. He’s gone. No warning, just gone. So you wipe your eyes and shake your head and hope to God that no one sees you like this because heaven forbid you shed a tear. Then things come into perspective and you realize how trivial and meaningless pride is at a time like this. And you cry.

Our lives are like a flickering flame, shorter and more fragile than we could ever imagine. But his has shed light. It has warmed hearts.

Dave Brown died this morning due to complications after a heart attack. He taught thousands of students how to love music and, more importantly, how to love themselves and each other. He was more than a just an instructor. He was a husband, a father, a teacher, a mentor, and he was my friend. He was and is greatly loved and he will be greatly missed.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Our family has just lost a precious woman too and it is so hard to fathom why it had to happen. This I do know, that God will not leave us comfortless, He loves us and He is in control. May God comfort you and those lives that he touched.

5:36 AM  

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